Maybe I just care too much… it’s like everyday I suffer with the fact that I’m a “nice guy”… then when I try to get out of that bubble & attempt to be a “jerk” it backfires… I feel like I’m constantly used & not taken seriously. I don’t give a fuck about myself, that’s the problem. I’m struggling with school, a low-waged job that barely supports me, a stressful family & certain friends & after all this, I’m trying to push a music career. I barely get time for myself anymore. Like seriously, what the FUCK?! And then people have the nerve to press me like I purposely push them to the side? Fuck that yo… I know I deserve better. I lost friends over stupid shit before & it somehow always ends up being MY FAULT?! Fuck that… seriously. I don’t give a fuck if I’m rambling or no one cares or whatever the fuck… I’m just sayin’ people’s minds must be stuck on stupid sometimes…
“Rafiki: [after guiding Simba to a spot where he says will show him Mufasa] Look down there.
Adult Simba: [looks into a pool of water] That’s not my father. That’s just my reflection.
Rafiki: No, look harder.
[touches the water, as it ripples Simba’s reflection changes to that of his father]
Rafiki: You see? He lives in you.
Mufasa’s ghost: [from above] Simba.
Adult Simba: Father?
Mufasa’s ghost: [apears among the stars] Simba, you have forgotten me.
Adult Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa’s ghost: You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life.
Adult Simba: How can I go back? I’m not who I used to be.
Mufasa’s ghost: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember…”— The Lion King (1994)
This… this is the scene that gave me hope when I was younger…
I was thinking a lot last night about the people we meet in our lives & how we’re always somehow connected by destiny. It sounds weird but it’s true. And sometimes grudges can just evaporate judging by a person’s background… I bumped into someone today in the food court. He tapped my shoulder playfully & said, “What’s good Mohsin, how you been?” I responded, conversed briefly & smiled & continued on my route. The sad part about this story is, I don’t even know this guy or if I do, I don’t have any memory of him in my life. As I continued on, it struck me. “Yo… that was my best friend from when I was like 5 ‘til about 11.” The even sadder story behind this is, our friendship ended because of a childish quarrel. It makes me wonder of the maturity level of myself & everyone else I’ve “left behind” in my life… This kid smiled at me & said hi to me as if nothing was ever wrong… If I could backtrack, I’d tell him sorry… God bless you kid…
I don’t know why that name is so relevant to me… Kevin Ivan Solis… In any which case, I’ve decided the above heading to be the title of my next mixtape. For those of you who don’t know I rap, produce, etc. Music is my thing on a wide spectrum. When I work on my own personal projects I like to take a little twist on what a lot of people don’t see in Hip Hop these days. I’m a story-teller for the most part. The story I’m telling is my life. It started with Lost in Limbo: The New York Siddy LP & for those of you who don’t know it was a rough cover of the struggles of my early childhood ‘til now. Whether it be me involved in a wrong environment to me being introduced to my reliance on drugs that not many people know of (I’m glad to say I’m sober now) or my disrupted sleeping habits to family issues involving death to even love struggles. That started my story. Over the next few months I’ll be working on three separate new projects including: 1) The above title, 2) PeaceWinterLove & 3) A possible sequel to Lost in Limbo. I’ve drowned myself in story telling and discovering ways to create clever forms of word play and making music that is enjoyable for an audience and something people can relate to. This may seem like meaningless ramblings but this is what I’m about. Music is my passion & I express myself and my life through it. I hope you all will enjoy what I have in store…